ClintonCherry.com - Horoscopes

26th November

Tue, 27 Nov 2001 03:38:00 GMT

Horoscopes

By Simon Collins Sr.
Australia’s m u Certified Astrologer c

THE STARS SHOW THE KIND OF WEEK YOU’LL HAVE:

HHHHH Bloody pearla; HHHH Choice as; HHH OK;

HH Have been better; H Totally crap

Aries: (March 21—April 19) HHHHH
Your week will take a turn for the better with you finally getting that special little something, from someone, for nothing…

Lucky m 14 Colour Violet

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20) H
The stars will take pitty on you and let you go out this weekend……… but make sure your home by 12, remember Cinderella.

Lucky m 48 Colour Orange

Gemini: (May 21—June 21) HH
Predictions are a plenty for you this week, so many I don’t know where to start

Lucky m 6 Colour Green

Cancer: (June 22—July 22) H
Read your stars in today’s West Australian. I got just the same thing.

Lucky m 3 Colour Red

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22) HH
You pass your taste tests in flying colours. Many riches and free beer with rain upon you from the stars.

Lucky m 25 Colour Yellow

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22) HHHH
During the next couple of days, for a short period of time, you’ll be hounded constantly by the opposite sex. Take advantage because they’ll soon wake up to their ways.

Lucky m 615 Colour Brown

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23) HH
Go out and do something this weekend because you have something special that someone wants. Keep an eye out for Aries.

Lucky m 7 Colour Blue

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21) HHH
The stars agree with you and think that soccer sucks and should be banished from this country.

Lucky m 59 Colour Pink

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21) HHH
This week you have your chance. Grab it with both hands and go to the WACA and join the stars in hanging shit on Justin Langer.

Lucky m 4 Colour Black

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19) H
This Friday start barracking for Australia. They are bound to win one of the sports and for once you’ll sound like you know something about sport.

Lucky m 74 Colour Lavender

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18) HH
DON’T……… Just don’t.

Lucky m 131 Colour Aqua

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20) HHHH

Just do it……. I mean it. JUST DO IT!

Lucky m 19 Colour Indigo

c2001

26th November

Mon, 26 Nov 2001 13:38:00 GMT

Horoscopes

By Simon Collins Sr.
Australia’s m u Certified Astrologer c

THE STARS SHOW THE KIND OF WEEK YOU’LL HAVE:

HHHHH Bloody pearla; HHHH Choice as; HHH OK;

HH Have been better; H Totally crap

Aries: (March 21—April 19) HHHHH
Your week will take a turn for the better with you finally getting that special little something, from someone, for nothing…

Lucky m 14 Colour Violet

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20) H
The stars will take pitty on you and let you go out this weekend……… but make sure your home by 12, remember Cinderella.

Lucky m 48 Colour Orange

Gemini: (May 21—June 21) HH
Predictions are a plenty for you this week, so many I don’t know where to start

Lucky m 6 Colour Green

Cancer: (June 22—July 22) H
Read your stars in today’s West Australian. I got just the same thing.

Lucky m 3 Colour Red

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22) HH
You pass your taste tests in flying colours. Many riches and free beer with rain upon you from the stars.

Lucky m 615 Colour Brown

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23) HH
Go out and do something this weekend because you have something special that someone wants. Keep an eye out for Aries.

Lucky m 7 Colour Blue

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21) HHH
The stars agree with you and think that soccer sucks and should be banished from this country.

Lucky m 59 Colour Pink

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21) HHH
This week you have your chance. Grab it with both hands and go to the WACA and join the stars in hanging shit on Justin Langer.

Lucky m 4 Colour Black

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19) H
This Friday start barracking for Australia. They are bound to win one of the sports and for once you’ll sound like you know something about sport.

Lucky m 74 Colour Lavender

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18) HH
DON’T……… Just don’t.

Lucky m 131 Colour Aqua

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20) HHHH

Just do it……. I mean it. JUST DO IT!

Lucky m 19 Colour Indigo

c2001

12th November

Mon, 12 Nov 2001 05:33:00 GMT

Horoscopes

By Simon Collins Sr.
Australia’s m u Certified Astrologer c

THE STARS SHOW THE KIND OF WEEK YOU’LL HAVE:

HHHHH Bloody pearla; HHHH Choice as; HHH OK;

HH Have been better; H Totally crap

Aries: (March 21—April 19) HHHHH
Life is just a big joke to you, which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't the one about the chicken crossing the road.

Lucky m 101 Colour Violet

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20) H
You will spend virtually all of your money, time, and effort before learning that fashion is not very important.

Lucky m 48 Colour Orange

Gemini: (May 21—June 21) HH
The famous saying actually says that golf is "a good walk spoiled," not "a waste of time and an annoyance to the pig." Let the poor pig out of your golf bag.

Lucky m 6 Colour Green

Cancer: (June 22—July 22) H
It's not easy being a loving, giving, trusting person in this world. On the other hand, it's no picnic working in advertising, either.

Lucky m 3 Colour Red

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22) HH
Don't worry too much about what tomorrow may bring, as nobody can tell the future. Except the stars, of course, and they aren't telling.

Lucky m 25 Colour Yellow

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22) HHHH
People who say you drive like your car is an extension of your penis have never seen your brain-surgery work.

Lucky m 615 Colour Brown

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23) HH
The ancient Greeks tell us that there were two basic forms of human love, eros and agape. But, apparently, they told you something different.

Lucky m 7 Colour Blue

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21) HHH
You will score a major victory at work when you're able to produce documentation proving that the appropriate person has died and made you God.

Lucky m 259 Colour Pink

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21) HHH
Try to listen more carefully and openly to what other people think, even if they're completely wrong.

Lucky m 999 Colour Black

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19) H
You experience a truly priceless moment when you witness a devout couple praying over the grave of their atheist son. It won't affect you much, though.

Lucky m 7040 Colour Lavender

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18) HH
There are many people who claim they'd rather be fishing, but you seem to actually mean it.

Lucky m 131 Colour Aqua

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20) HHHH

You will experience inner turmoil after reading way too much into a statement filled with vague, undefined terms.

Lucky m 19 Colour Indigo

c2001

5th November

Mon, 05 Nov 2001 03:22:00 GMT

Horoscopes

By Simon Collins Sr.
Australia’s m u Certified Astrologer c

THE STARS SHOW THE KIND OF WEEK YOU’LL HAVE:

HHHHH Bloody pearla; HHHH Choice as; HHH OK;

HH Have been better; H Totally crap

Aries: (March 21—April 19) HHHHH
Reviews will claim you have "reinvented the coming-of-age story" and "single handedly raised the bar for first novels," but you don't recall doing anything.

Lucky m 101 Colour Violet

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20) H
Though the theory behind your genetically enhanced egg-frying/toast-making humanoid is sound, it is an inelegant solution to a nonexistent problem.

Lucky m 48 Colour Orange

Gemini: (May 21—June 21) HH
After spending countless hours in career counseling in an effort to identify the color of your parachute, the damn thing will fail to open.

Lucky m 6 Colour Green

Cancer: (June 22—July 22) H
After weeks of pleading, the powers-that-be will grant your wish to be humanity's liaison to the fish, just to shut you up.

Lucky m 3 Colour Red

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22) HH
Urban legends allude to babysitters microwaving babies, but they leave out important stuff like cooking times.

Lucky m 25 Colour Yellow

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22) HHHH
The world is not ready for your way of thinking. Nor will it ever be while sensible men run the dental-supply industry.

Lucky m 615 Colour Brown

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23) HH
The stars have announced a recall on all '76-'79 Libras. Please report to the nearest Libra service centre.

Lucky m 7 Colour Blue

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21) HHH
You aren't sure where you got the idea to start your own business as a cat bather, but you have to admit it's pretty stupid.

Lucky m 259 Colour Pink

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21) HHH
You will defy all conventional wisdom when you take a long leap without looking, but not without hesitating slightly first.

Lucky m 999 Colour Black

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19) H
Your wacky plan to choose stocks using a monkey with a dartboard backfires when the damn thing turns out to have an M.B.A. from Harvard.

Lucky m 7040 Colour Lavender

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18) HH
The moon is indeed rising in your sign, but no one can figure out what to do with it at the moment. Just enjoy the pretty moon for a while.

Lucky m 131 Colour Aqua

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20) HHHH

As long as people continue to ignore the lessons of history, there's always a chance that you will one day.

Lucky m 19 Colour Indigo

c2001

23rd October

Tue, 23 Oct 2001 14:57:00 GMT

Horoscopes

By Simon Collins Sr.
Australia’s m u Certified Astrologer c

THE STARS SHOW THE KIND OF WEEK YOU’LL HAVE:

HHHHH Bloody pearla; HHHH Choice as; HHH OK;

HH Have been better; H Totally crap.

Aries: (March 21—April 19) HHHHH
No force in Creation can stop you from enjoying a delicious fried-egg sandwich on your lunch break.

Lucky m 109 Colour Blue

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20) H
Your life's problems will be put in proper perspective when you realize that, compared to the plague that swept Europe in the 12th century, they're still pretty bad.

Lucky m 405 Colour Pink

Gemini: (May 21—June 21) HHH
There must be a better way to tell your ex the difficult things you need to tell them. If you find out, let me know.

Lucky m 69 Colour Green

Cancer: (June 22—July 22) HHHH
Try not to read too much into little details. It may mean nothing that your heart surgeon is named Dr. Chopsalott.

Lucky m 3 Colour Lavender

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22) HHHHH
Due to your lack of skill and experience, your new cooking show has been named Reheating With Leo.

Lucky m 12 Colour Yellow

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22) HH
Your belief that a phone call from your mother-in-law is worse than cancer will be tested when you get both next Thursday.

Lucky m 9651 Colour Red

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23) H
The stars predict that hemlines are going to rise next season, but not nearly as much as you'd like.

Lucky m 0 Colour Black

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21) HHHH
You will soon meet the person you'll spend the rest of your life with. Shortly after that, you'll meet the person you'll want to spend the rest of your life with.

Lucky m 23 Colour Violet

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21) HH
You will find yourself enjoying a farcical, tune-filled, three-act romp that was supposed to be a meeting of the House Subcommittee on Economic Policy.

Lucky m 666 Colour Orange

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19) H
In a famous passage from Shakespeare, Hamlet says, "To thine own self be true." In that sense, you are a Shakespearean balls-up.

Lucky m 007 Brown

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18) HH
You will discover incontrovertible proof that Don Burke did, in fact, promise you a rose garden in the next Backyard Blitz.

Lucky m –24 Colour Aqua

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20) HHHH

You will find yourself watching hour after hour of The Weather Channel next Friday, hoping to find out how the whole thing ends.

Lucky m 1 Colour Indigo

c2001

23rd October

Tue, 23 Oct 2001 01:57:00 GMT

Horoscopes

By Simon Collins Sr.
Australia’s m u Certified Astrologer c

THE STARS SHOW THE KIND OF WEEK YOU’LL HAVE:

HHHHH Bloody pearla; HHHH Choice as; HHH OK;

HH Have been better; H Totally crap.

Aries: (March 21—April 19) HHHHH
No force in Creation can stop you from enjoying a delicious fried-egg sandwich on your lunch break.

Lucky m 405 Colour Pink

Gemini: (May 21—June 21) HHH
There must be a better way to tell your ex the difficult things you need to tell them. If you find out, let me know.

Lucky m 69 Colour Green

Cancer: (June 22—July 22) HHHH
Try not to read too much into little details. It may mean nothing that your heart surgeon is named Dr. Chopsalott.

Lucky m 3 Colour Lavender

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22) HHHHH
Due to your lack of skill and experience, your new cooking show has been named Reheating With Leo.

Lucky m 12 Colour Yellow

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22) HH
Your belief that a phone call from your mother-in-law is worse than cancer will be tested when you get both next Thursday.

Lucky m 9651 Colour Red

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23) H
The stars predict that hemlines are going to rise next season, but not nearly as much as you'd like.

Lucky m 666 Colour Orange

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19) H
In a famous passage from Shakespeare, Hamlet says, "To thine own self be true." In that sense, you are a Shakespearean balls-up.

Lucky m 007 Brown

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18) HH
You will discover incontrovertible proof that Don Burke did, in fact, promise you a rose garden in the next Backyard Blitz.

Lucky m –24 Colour Aqua

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20) HHHH

You will find yourself watching hour after hour of The Weather Channel next Friday, hoping to find out how the whole thing ends.

Lucky m 1 Colour Indigo

c2001

15th October

Mon, 22 Oct 2001 09:56:00 GMT

Horoscopes

By Simon Collins Sr.
Australia’s No.1 Certified Astrologer

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Your inability to get a cab has nothing to do with your neighbourhood or skin colour. It's because you live in Clarkson, WA.

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
You will experience a strange kind of moral and spiritual vertigo when you find yourself sympathizing with Army recruiters for the first time in your life.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
Your acquisition of a state-of-the-art supercomputer will mark your entry into the elite, top rank of the world's solitaire players.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
You're beginning to detect strong feelings of ill will from the other people at the office. You should stop showing up every day or get a job there.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
The stars would like to remind you that their birthday may be a ways off, but nothing on their list is exactly cheap.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
Though they are brown, have two legs and a large storage space, they are kangaroos, not portable eskies.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
While reading the biography of famed designer Bill Mitchell, you learn, much to your surprise, that you are an example of planned obsolescence.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
You will finally achieve a lifelong dream of getting on television when you jump up and down and wave while standing behind the teary, emotional reporter.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
Work on being gentler and more compassionate towards others, you never know, one day they may show it in return.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
After 14 long years, you will be admitted to the AFL Hall Of Fame when you finally come up with the $11.50 admission price.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
You are starting to find yourself more and more obsessed with people who, unlike yourself, actually do things.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)

Your best friend will finally prove to everyone's satisfaction that his crippled old grandmother could take you in a fight