The other day I thought I would get a bank account. Based on my experience in the States, where I just waltzed into a bank, threw the some money and said can I deposit this, to which the bank said sure, and here have a credit card and numerous other things, without so much as an address or social security number, all in all as easy anything is in America, I figured getting an account in London wouldn't be too much harder. Boy was I surprised.
I started my search for a bank at Barclays, mainly because they have really cool adverts on TV with Samuel L. Jackson in them. So I wait in a queue for almost an hour - you soon learn in London no one works fast, no one is in a hurry and customer service is just one of those myths you read about in books. Finally I get to a bank assistant who I show my proof of address in London (a gas bill) and my passport. He quickly tells me though that I need a letter of some kind to prove my home address (in Australia). I'm like sure, I've got heaps of documents like that. Sensing that he may have to give me the bank account he quickly says "sorry, it has to be from a London business, so get your current employer to write us a letter stating your Perth address". I sit there argueing pointlessly for a few minutes, trying to say I have my address on my license, my passport, my Australian bank account - but all this is useless he says. Pissed, I decide to leave and head to another bank.
Next bank is HSBC, which doesn't quite have the same wait, but none the less I still waste quite some time in there. This time I do have the correct documents.. EXCEPT my gasbill is not actually a bill, it is a statement, and he says he can only use a bill for the approval process, so come back when I have a bill - of course bills only come out every six months, so that means I only need to wait five more months to get my bank account. In a desperate attempt I ask if there is anything I can do, to which he replies I can open an account if I go to the international city branch. I store this as backup, but still don't understand why they would approve me, and this branch won't when they are the same company, just seperated by distance and my friggin precious time and patience, which by now is growing very thin as all I want to do is GIVE THE FRIGGIN BANKS BY FRIGGIN MONEY so they will have more money, but for some damn reason they don't want it.
I head to a third line, and third bank, as lunch soon approaches, and my entire morning has been wasted running around in circles. Again I explain my situation, and this time the bank wants my tenancy agreement, which of course I can produce. The PROBLEM this time is I have a tenancy agreement with the owner of the property and not a real estate company, which is no good, as apparently I can buy these off the streets (why people are selling tenancy agreements on the streets to houses people couldn't live in I don't know). I am so pissed by now I storm out, and decide to give up on the whole getting a bank account thing for the day. I have pleaded with every bank I can give them however much money they want, that I have a triple A credit rating back home, that I even have a house back home, but this all means nothing to them. All they want are ridiculous forms of ID, and even then they really don't seem to want anyones business.
So my final word to anyone wanting to open a bank account in London, first of all exhaust all possibilities back home of opening a London bank account from there (I have some Kiwi friends who have been successful doing this). Otherwise get your Aussie bank to write a letter stating everything about you that you can possibly think of to prove your name, address, status, credit rating, favourite colour jocks... pretty much everything, and you may have a 10% chance of getting an account. From what I have heard though, the best way is to go to a job agency over here, sign up (even if you are not really looking for a job there), tell them how you need a bank account and could they organise it for you, to which apparently they can easily organise, and then once sorted tell them you have a job.
This has been one story of the shit you go through in the backwards country. There will be more.